101 ways to tick off Kaiba
by Anime.97.gurl
Summary: Its time to make fun of one of the most serious people in Yu-gi-oh. Every chapter is a new way to tick him off!
1. Prologue

**Hey peoples! It's me, the author…**

**So this is my first "humorous series."**

**I don't know I have been wanting to do something like this for a long time…. And ta-da here it is! ^U^ **

101 to tick Kaiba off!

How to tick Kaiba off, the prologue...

Little Yugi was on his way back from school. It was the begining of Fall so the air was a bit crisp. He was walking nice and slowly. The sun seemed to shine on him as he smiled walking through the quiet streets. The leaves seem to fly in the air as Yugi walked. He sniffed the warm air. It filled his nose as it warmed up his body. He felt happy, warm, protected. He started to whistle a tone in memory of this scene. Then….BOOM! He died. His bloody body was spread across the floor. The blood was smeared everywhere. When the gang found him, they cried. Joey put his fist on the floor crying, "Why, Why Yugi!! What did he ever do?" The gang seemed grim. Even Kaiba was saddened. JK!!!

No, in reality, Yugi feel down a sewage pipe. He fell into the dirty water with a big slash. The dirt and grime went up. Some on his face, the other bits on the wall. Amazingly he was not really hurt, physically anyway…

"Dang Yugi, I know you're the main character and everything, but I didn't know you would make such a big splash!" Joey joked.

"Joey? WHY AM I HERE!!! AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHAT AM I SITTING ON?!?!" Yugi asked. He thought that it was poo by its stench. He was p., and he smelled very bad…

"Don't be a party popper!! No wait, that's a used tampon… Anyway, Yugi I have a plan…" Joey answered.

"What the heck? That stupid woman! Doesn't she read the label, it says not to flush it down the toilet!!!" Yugi complained.

"Um, Yugi, how do you know this…" Joey asked.

"Oh well you see pharaoh..." Yugi started thinking of the best excuse that he could make in a matter of seconds.

"Don't blame your own mental problem on the second soul that lives inside your body!"Joey interrupted him. "Anyway, like I was saying, I have a brilliant plan. But I need your help to complete it!"

"What's your plan? To kill the human population using used tampons and its icky stench?" Yugi asked, still annoyed.

"Of course not. I would use clean tampons for that job….Anyway I have decided to do a series of actions which would tick the living day lights of Kaiba and the first thing I will use is..." Joey began.

"This dirty tampon?" Yugi asked happily. He held up the tampon and pointed to it with a big grin on his ignorant face.

"Why of course! We will use that very Tampon!" Joey said.

"Really?!?" Yugi asked with his eyes becoming very bright.

"Of course not! We're just trying to tick him off not trying to get him so steamed that his going to order our death!" Joey answered. "Also, you should probably let that go, you don't want to know where that's been…"

"Aww..." Yugi said as his eyes shrunk back to his normal eye size. All the happiness he had had before. He also dropped his "beloved" tampon…

"Hey, Yugi, don't feel so bad. Bakura did the same thing and I slapped the British accent right off him!" Joey said with a "you know you couldn't be angry with me" smile.

"If you say so…" Little Yugi said. _I should be used to this by now…the day he has a brain will be the day that people stop writing Marik x Bakura stories…or Yami stops playing card games…__**Hey, don't blame me for playing card games, there's nothing but a billion doors and stair cases in my room! I could also say a "the chances of that happening is like…" phrase about you! The day that Joey doesn't act like an idiot is the day the YUGI ACTUALLY PICKS UP HIS TOYS IN HIS ROOM!!! **__Hey it isn't my fault, I can't just go into my self conscience and clean my room!!! __**Well you should! You humans are SO weak!!!! **__Blah! _

"Um, Yugi?" Joey asked as he flicked Yugi on the forehead. Hard.

"Ow, what?" Yugi asked rubbing his forehead.

"We're going to start our adventure in ticking off Kaiba!!! The first thing we are going to do is…" Joey began…

* * *

**Aww, Yugi had to drop his beloved tampon…**

**Oh I think I might have confused you guys...**

This is normal

_This is thoughts (in this part its Yugis thoughts)_

**_And this is Yamis thoughts/answers._**

**Just wanted to inform you guys in case you guys didn't catch on.**

**Also, when Yami says "Yugis room" he mean t the room in his mind. You see Yugi and Yami both have "mental rooms" which they rest in while the other one has control of the body. Yugi has a bunch of Toys in his "room" while Yami has stairs and doors(fun room isn't it?). **

**Ok thats all. Sorry, I thought that you guys might get a bit confused so I wanted to clear things up with you! **

**Yeah, sorry it was only a prologue, right now school is getting difficult. So it might take me a while to write again… (A while for me is like 2-5 days…) Sorry, don't blame me, blame school.**

**Anyway, if you would like, you could review...That would get me to write a bit faster!**


	2. Take his most beloved item

**I am so sorry it took me forever to write the next chapter. But here it is. It is over 1500 words so I hope that its funniness will last a while.**

**I don't own anything.**Way to tick Kaiba off number 1:

* * *

Take his most beloved item.

"Dang it took me 10 years to get that grim off me!" Yugi complained as he was walking down the road.

He had just finished cleaning himself off and he was annoyed. Grandpa thought a skunk sprayed him and so he made him bathe in tomato soup. Unfortunately, the tomato soup was cold. So, Yugi had to take several cold tomato bathes that night. By the end of all those bathes he looked like one of those CSI dead people. All cover in fake red blood and have the ghastly look in tier face. Not only has that, but the little guy kept slipping and has managed to fall in the tub over 10 times. Yami complained, because Yugi has ruined his beautiful second body. _**Great! Not only are you short, but you look like an abused wife!!!!! The other Egyptian ghosts will laugh at me and it all your fault!!! I hate you! **_Yami cried as he ran into his room and wrote in his diary how his life sucks and listened to "teenage drama queen."

Of course Yugi didn't worry about it much. Yami has always been a drama queen. I mean have you seen those over-done poses that he does while playing card games?

Anyway…

The worse thing was that Yugi got tomato juice in his eye, so now he has tomato red eyes. As he walked down the street, a policeman looked at his eye.

"Hey kid? What did you do last night?" Police asked.

"Nothing officer, just took a bath and went to sleep." Yugi respond.

"Right, I bet you didn't have pot!" the policeman said.

"I swear I didn't!!!!" Yugi said.

"Yeah, empty out your pockets!" The policeman demanded.

"Ok officer I have nothing to hide." Yugi said as he emptied his pocket.

Unfortunately, he did have something to hide for inside that pocket was a pint of pure crack.

* * *

**10 minutes later…**

Yugi was in a jail cell. Yami was trying to "comfort" him.

_**Omg you are so dumb! All you had to do was walk and now my crack is gone!!! **_

_Wait your crack? You framed me!!!_

_**Um..you have no proof! **_

_You just admitted to the crime!! _

_**Oh yeah, like they're going to believe you! A 3,000 year old pharaoh, who takes over my body from time to time to play card games, is framing me. Yeah they would really believe that. Besides I use it so medical reasons.**_

_Medical reasons my – _

"Hey, Yugi!" A voice screamed from the bottom of the jail cell.

Yugi looked down to see no one other then the underdog himself. Joey was smiling his usual smile. He was dressed in his school uniform. This meant that he was probably skipping school.

"Hey, Yugi! I have a new idea about how to tick off Kaiba!!!" Joey yelled.

"What the heck?? I am in jail and all you can think about is how to tick off Kaiba!!!" Yugi yelled at Joey.

"Maybe…Hey, why are you in jail in the first place?" Joey asked.

"Cuz Yami is a druggy, now help me out!" _**Hey shut up or else I won't let you borrow my hot leather pants. **__Dude, those are MY leather pants to begin with! __**You have no proof all you have is a couple friends a crazy hair style.**_

"Fine, but you'd help me tick off Kaiba!" Joey told Yugi.

"Fine." Yugi answered.

In fine minutes, Joey walked into the police station got Yugi out of the building easily.

"Wow Joey, how did you do THAT?" Yugi asked.

"I told them you had your period. Anyway, come one we have to go tick off Kaiba!!" Joey answered.

"You told them what?" Yugi screamed.

Soon the two walked into a dark ally. (Because technically speaking all allys have to be dark, I mean they are like pits in between two buildings. Could there ever really be a bright ally…O-o) in that ally, two people waited for them. There was Tristan and a bum who had nothing to do with anything, but we put him in for comic relief.

"Ok, guys this is our plan to tick off Kaiba. We will steal his most precious belonging in the world." Joey said.

"Isn't that a bit cliché? I mean, in this chapter we're just going to steal his deck? Wow THAT'S original." Yugi said rolling his eyes.

"Ha, that's what you think! Kaiba just makes it seem like the deck is the most important thing. But there is something else that he loves more than that. That he would die if he learned that he has lost it." Joey said.

"Oh my gosh, you don't mean Mokuba, do you?" Yugi asked wide-eyed.

"What? Of course not Yugi! Gosh are you stupid or something?"Joey told the small puffball. "No, we're going to hurt him where it hurts. We are going to steal his super cool white coat that he wears over his tight black pants and shirt! You know the one with the cool metals on it and the Kaiba Corps logo on it?"

"Oh that. And I am not stupid!! And I am not a puffball!" Yugi complained. _**Who are YOU trying to fool? **__Shut up Yami!!!!_

"Ok so here is the plan…." Joey started.

* * *

**That night…**

Kaiba was working at home today. He had a lot work to do and didn't want to waste time going to a stupid school when he was already bright enough college. Suddenly he got a strange knock on his door. He got up to open it, because the rest of his staff as on break. As he opened it, he saw a small puffball.

"Yugi, what are you doing here?" Kaiba asked.

"I am here to warn you that our group plans to steal your most prized possession." Yugi answered.

"What you don't mean my Barbie ballet tutu, do you!!!" Kaiba cried.

"Yes...I mean no! What the heck, you have a Barbie ballet tutu?" Yugi asked.

"Yes…it's pretty and pink and it has sparkles, I mean, no I don't have one! You are just a puffball you don't have any proof! Me having a Barbie tutu is as likely as you having a 3 thousand year old, crack sneaking, pharaoh in your body that only comes out to play duel games!" Kaiba objected.

_If only you knew._ "Well, I just came here to tell you that you will lose something today and it will be something important." Yugi said as he left.

"Right, unless you want to play a card games, get the heck out of my property!" Kaiba yelled at the little guy.

"Fine! See if you get a Christmas card this year!!!" Yugi yelled back.

What Kaiba didn't know what was that while he was talking with Yugi, Joey and his gang was already in the house and their plan was working perfectly.

"Ok, Joey we are inside!!!" Tristan told Joey.

"Way to tell the oblivious. No Tristan we are still outside." Joey answered sarcastically.

"Ready, good, I'll just go behind that tree. " Tristan answered as he walked over to the couch.

"Oh that trouble maker, he can kill a cat with his cat ray! And that's why World War L started" The bum said.

"Why in the world are you here?"Joey asked the bum.

"For comic relief..." The bum answered.

"Um, dude, there's like no stress for you to relief…." Joey answered.

"Dang it, that's the second story I've been kicked out of! Fine, you know what? You should all die! Good bye!!!" The bum said as he left the room.

"Why did he go?" Tristan asked as he came back from the "tree".

"Somewhere, now come one, we have to go get his coat."

"Hey, Joey do you think that it would be in a box labeled 'most important thing in the world?" Tristan asked holding up a box.

"Yes that's where it has to be!"Joey said as he opened the box.

"What's in it?" Tristan asked.

"A BARBIE TUTU???" Joey yelled.

"Oh! It's pretty and it sparkles!" Tristan said.

"Oh my gosh! This is just a prank…hey look over there, that's that white thing? "Joey asked.

"Oh, that's just a white coat with a K and a C logo on it…."

"You idiot! That is what we were looking for! Let's get it and go!" Joey yelled at Tristan.

"Can we take the tutu too? Tristan asked.

"Fine we can." Joey answered.

"Yay!" Tristan squealed.

They stole the coat. Tristan also took the tutu which fit him perfectly. He later tired out for the swan ballet. Which he lost terrible to the drama queen, Yami.

* * *

**4 hours later…**

"Finally I am done the all my work now to get my most prized possession!" Kaiba said, as he went under his bed and got out a box. "My favorite thing in the word, my Brittany Spears CD!"

"Wait…what's this smell…Oh my gosh! Someone peed on my limited edition Brittney Spears CD!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Kaiba yelled.

* * *

**Aww, poor tutu loving Kaiba. **

**Well, there's another chapter I hope you love it!**

**Like I said, school is hard so it will take me a while to write another chapter.**

**Don't want to wait so much? Then click the cotton below and review. Reviews make me work 30 times faster than I normally would take!**


	3. Actually make sense

**Yo, I am so sorry it took me years to finally get another chapter! I have been so busy with stuff that I haven't gotten the chance to finish and edit it. I am so sorry, I should have had this out a week ago! **

**Thank you for all those people who reviewed and who added it to their favorite story list. **

**For your information, this story is now in the community call "SHOW YOUR STUFF YUGIOH 2002 to 2010", so if you would like to see other recent stories from Yu-gi-oh, please go there. The manager is awesome! ^^**

**I do not own stuff. Warning!: I apologize to all tristan x Kaiba fans, Jonas brothers fans and Begging strip companies. I made of the paring and used the Jonas Brothers in comical reference. I used the name and do not own it. Please do not flame! I do like the group and the product. I do not have a comment on the pairing.**

**Ok, without further junk, here is the brand new chapter!**Way to tick off Kaiba number 2

* * *

Actually make sense.

Mai ran down the streets. She was happy that she had made an amazing discovery, she loved Joey! Today she was going to run up to him and confess her love! She could just imagine how he would react. And how they would walk into the sunset together!

Just thinking about it made Mai's heart sing. She ran around the corner where her blonde prince charming was there. He seemed to be thinking about something. Suddenly seeing Joey serious made Mai surprised. She had never seen the blonde so intelligent. She walked over to him and began to talk.

"Um, hey Joey…" Mai started. She squeezed her arm, because she was so nervous.

"Oh, hey Mai. What have you been up to?" Joey asked, still in his intelligent pose.

"Oh this and that…I, I have something that I would like to tell you!" Mai said. She started to blush and fidget. She was really nervous about meeting the man of her dreams.

"And what might that be? Is it something personal? Something important? Tell me please!" Joey asked. He had a certain look in his face. He stared at her caringly.

"Oh, Joey! I love you!" Mai confessed. She open her arms wide as if she expected him to go up to her to kiss her.

"But why? A man such as myself could never make a good living for us. Logically, you should be able to get a better man. Ones that's richer and more worthy of your love!" Joey said. He turned from his arms.

"Oh, Joey, I love you and only you!" Mai asked. She held her arms close to her chest. Her eyes look hurt. She tilted her head and asked.

"That can't be true, there must be others that you like. Think logically!" Joey said. He still had an intelligent look upon his face. As if he was trying to figure out just what was going around d him the blondes head.

"Joey, when did you start think logically? Since when were you seriously thinking about life and what's going on?" Mai asked.

"So you think I am serious? How serious do you think? Overly - serious? Kaiba serious? A little serious?" Joey asked.

"Huh what kind of question is that?" Mai asked. Wondering just what was going through his head.

"I mean, it…do you think I make sense?" Joey continued.

"Well, yes I suppose so…" Mai said, still confused.

"Good! Then I'll act like this when I make Kaiba annoyed!!" Joey said.

"Wait, so you mean you've only answered like that because you're trying to get back at your arch rival????" Mai asked.

"Yup" Joey said with a wide smile on his face.

"Joey!!!"Mai yelled, as she punched him into the air. He flew away until there wasn't any part of him to be seen.

He landed a few minutes later in a pile of dug.

"Hey Joey, eww, why do you smell?" Yugi asked as he held his nose.

"I was practicing my Kaiba jokes on Mai and she got all sensitive and stuff." Joey answered.

"Kaiba jokes?" Yugi asked.

"Yup remember when I told you a few days ago that I would try to tick off Kaiba as much as I could?"Joey asked.

"Sadly I do…" Yugi said. Ironically there was a tampon next to him…I wonder how it got there.

"Well, I have discovered a new way to annoy him!"Joey said happily.

"Oh, no…" Yugi said. "What is it this time?"

"I am going to make sense for once! I am going to act serious for once!" Joey said.

"HAHAHAHA!!! You being serious!! That's impossible!!! That's like Yami not wanting to see the newest Barbie movie!!! Or actually paying for the drugs that he makes me buy!! Or not trying to get me in jail for like the 10th time this week!!" Yugi laughed.

"Well at least I don't compare everything in the world to a 3 thousand year old pharaoh spirit that takes over my body from time to time!" Joey snapped back.

"….That was cold… Anyway, what's your great plan?" Yugi asked.

"Well, I'll plan a meeting with him. And I'll dress really nice." Joey started.

"But Joey, if you dress like that Kaiba's going to think that you're going to make fun of him!" Yugi pointed out.

"Yup, that's exactly what I want!" Joey smiled. He knew his plan and he knew it well.

"You WANT Kaiba to be suspicious of you? Wouldn't that destroy the purpose? Ok, Joey have you been taking some of Yami's crack? Because if you are you are acting like a total fool and you should probably start running because Yami's a Drama Queen and will b-slap you to the moon." Yugi said, surprisingly serious. _**Yeah you better tell him! I have had the strangest feeling lately that someone has been stealing my crack! **__Oh shut up. I am just trying to warn him. __**Are you talking back!!! I'll b-slap you to the god Ra! **__Yeah that's what you always say, but where is your precise god? Huh? He's not alive!!! __**NO! You're lying!!! He's real; he just doesn't want to come out because you have such an ugly face that you'll scare him. **__Yami we share almost the same face….In fact we share a body. If he thinks I'm ugly then he probably thinks your also ugly. Besides, we're going to have to deal with each other for a lot of chapters for this crappy Fan fiction story so you might as well try to work with me__** NO! You're lying!! WAAAA! I'm going to my room and never coming out.**_

In the Pharaoh's room Pharaoh was crying and listening to the Jonas Brothers. "Oh, Nick, Joe, Kevin! One day you will come here and you'll save me from this evil place!!!" Yami said as he stared into the cover of his CD. He started singing along with his favorite artists. Yugi peeked in, he started to twitch. "Hey what are you doing here!!! Get out!!!" Yami yelled as he threw his pink furry pillows at Yugi. - A/N: How he even got his junk is beyond me… - Yugi ran out of the room. The pillows didn't hurt, but they had a gross scent of them which he couldn't stand. It was probably flowers and bumble bees.

"Hey, Yugi?" Joey said as he poked the younger one in his head.

"Hey, stop that." Yugi said as he rubbed his forehead. "Sorry, I went to visit Yami."

"….Oh yeah, you mean that weird room with stairs that we went to in the first Yu-gi-oh movie?" Joey asked.

"Yup that's the one!"Yugi said with a smile.

"How the heck do you put up with that guy, I mean he acts like a totally drama queen. He is probably hanging out in his room right now listening o the Jonas brothers and saying some crap about how one day, they will take him away and he will never have to go back to this horrible place! And other girl-sih stuff like that." Joey said.

"You have no idea. So, what's your plan again?" Yugi asked, suddenly getting the story back on topic.

"Well, you see…" Joey began.

* * *

Kaiba was in his room at noon. He looked around to make sure that no one was around. Then he took out an object. It was hard yet very delicate. He held it in his hand. Sweat ran down his head. He knew that this was the most important thing he has ever had the honor to hold. It was something that most people wouldn't even think would be inside Kaiba's desk. It was a picture of his husband, Tristan!!!! "Oh, Tristan, my love where have you been?" Kaiba asked. A single tear filled his eye.

A/N: Just kidding. Eww, Kaiba x Tristan, I must be on crack to write a story about that pair.…_**What about crack? Are you the one who keeps on stealing it from my little crack pouch? You know, the one that is shaped like a cute little panda? **_Oh Yami, um, no I didn't steal any of your crack… *runs away* Apologies to Kaiba x Tristan fans (if there are any that is…)

No, what Kaiba really had in his hand was a super awesome Brittany Spears "All will be revealed" CD. Seto smiled. '_Now I will know everything about my little Britney!! One day we will meet and we'll have kids! That is if she can hold any more kids that is, I mean it's like every year she comes out with a new one! Oh, she's so cool!! Wait, she's now dating a photographer?? And he's going to be her new boyfriend??? Why Brittany I thought we had something! That's it we're over!!!' he thought._

A person knocked at his door. "Mr. Seto, you have a visitor, a Mr. Wheeler?"

'_Joey, what does that guy want?' _"Send him in."

Joey walked into Kaiba's over decorated office. He was indeed dressed in a tuxedo. "Hello, Mr. Seto, I came to talk to you about something."

"What?" Kaiba asked. "Do you want a begging strip or something?"

"No, I want to work out our differences." Joey said calmly.

"Oh, is the puppy ready to act like a human? Well to bad! Go away." Kaiba yelled. Signaling him to go away.

"Wait Mr. Seto I just came here to talk to you!!" Joey pleaded.

"This better be good..." Kaiba started to complain.

"Oh it is! I think that we should sign a treaty. We are both civilized men. I think we can both agree to not be mean to each other anymore. This treaty stated that we shall no longer make fun of or fight with each other. Can you please sign it?" Joey asked. He acted civilized which made the normal Joey seem strange.

"Ha, I am not going to sign a treaty between a dog and myself!" Kaiba laughed. "And stop talking like that you sound like a total idiot!"

"But Kaiba I think that you're a reasonable man!"Joey objected.

"Ok, Wheeler, enough stop talking like you have a brain in that head of yours!" Kaiba yelled.

"But why Kaiba? We are friends are we not? Why don't you want to talk with me?" Joey asked. He had a concern look in his face.

"I said stop!" Kaiba asked. _'What the heck is that Wheeler doing? He's supposed to be a fool? Why is he acting so intelligent? I never even knew he had a brain in that's thick skull of his!'_

"Kaiba calm down! I think we can reach an agreement!!" Joey told the angered brunette.

"No, no agreement just get the heck out of my office! And don't return until your back to your normal self." Kaiba answered.

"But Kaiba, I like being smart! Why don't you like it? You're always telling me to be that way!" Joey asked.

"Yeah but this time you're getting annoying so get out!!" Kaiba yelled.

"But, but!" Joey objected.

"Not more buts get out or I'll call security!!!" Kaiba yelled. There seemed to be pressure in his eyes. He was enraged, he couldn't stand people making fun of him. How dare his puppet start pulling his own strings.

"I," Joey started.

"One, more, one more and I swear that I will kill you!!" Kaiba said. He looked as if he was going to pop a vein.

"Ok, I'll go..." Joey said, slowly getting out the door.

"Good!"

When Joey left Kaiba sat down again. He had been so angered. He started to calm down. He put on a Jonas Brother CD, and started to murmur about how they would take him away some day…

* * *

When Joey came out he started to laugh. He saw his friend over at a CD store. The person was leaning over as if he was looking at something. He walked over to him.

"Hey Yugi! Guess what it worked!" Joey smiled.

"Oh, ok…" a familiar voice stated.

"Yup it was really funny! He was completely ticked off! Well I have to go! I think Mai is coming and I don't want her to punch me again!! Bye!" Joey said as he ran away.

"Oh good. Thank god he didn't figure out who I really was or what I was really doing!" Yami said, as he took out an object from his shopping bad.

The object had the words "All will be revealed" on it with puffy red letters. A familiar blonde star was on the cover, Yugi ran his fingers around the case. The tri-colored guy smiled when he saw this. "Oh Britney Spears, one day we will be together!"

* * *

**I also do not own Brittany Spears and I don't think that it's a real CD.**

**Sorry, I'm just being careful, I don't want to be sued!**

**Yay I new chapter. It took a while. ^^'**

**I will get the next chapter in sooner! If you review it will get in here faster!! ^^ **


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